


Acts of Service

by madamewriterofwrongs



Series: Show and Tell [4]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Breakfast, Buck Loves Eddie, Christopher is sick, Communication, Domestic Fluff, Drama, Eddie loves Buck, Established Relationship, Family, Fluff, Kind gestures, M/M, Reflection, Soft Eddie Diaz, Soft evan buckley, acts of service, brief mentions of death, cooking together, daring rescues, first I love yous, relationship milestones, the briefest of fights
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:36:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24950119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamewriterofwrongs/pseuds/madamewriterofwrongs
Summary: There were a million things Evan Buckley did for Eddie that he never noticed before. The big gestures had been a part of what strengthened their bond – seeing Buck know exactly what Eddie needed without ever having to ask. It helped build their trust and their companionship. Buck’s heart was a big part of why he wanted to be with him in every sense of the word. And the longer Eddie thought about Buck, the more he started to notice the little things; things the man wasn’t even doing intentionally. It was just in his nature to be kind.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Show and Tell [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1766488
Comments: 35
Kudos: 344
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Acts of Service is a love language that can be described as _doing_ something for your partner (as opposed to verbally expressing affection). 
> 
> It's something I think both boys are really good at so I thought we'd look at different ways Buck shows Eddie he loves him. There's a little bit of everything here: some fluff, some drama, some angst, some family, some emotions. You get the picture. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Eddie Diaz liked to think of himself as an observant man. It was a skill born out of necessity that he felt confident using in his everyday life. Noticing when his son was upset (even if he didn’t know how to help), reading victims’ faces when he suspected they may be lying, picking up on social cues when it was time to drag his friends home from the bar. He was generally able to see the world around him and recognize patterns and behaviors.

But somewhere along the way, Evan Buckley had wormed his way into his life, and he didn’t notice until it was too late. Now he was everywhere: they worked their shifts as partners, they had meals as partners, they spent their evenings wrapped in each other, and occasionally woke up that way. Eddie was drowning in the man their friends lovingly called a ‘golden retriever’, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

It occasionally surprised him just how easy it was to be with Buck. Being married to Shannon had brought him a lot of life and a lot of love, but that personal connection had never been there. They had never been friends, only ever lovers. But not Buck. He relied on Buck long before he was added to Christopher’s ‘approved pick up list’. He cared for Buck long before he was dangling from the side of a train car. He appreciated Buck long before he showed up with a skateboard one Saturday afternoon with the sole intent of helping his son.

There were a million things Evan Buckley did for Eddie that he never noticed before. The big gestures had been a part of what strengthened their bond – seeing Buck know exactly what Eddie needed without ever having to ask. It helped build their trust and their companionship. Buck’s heart was a big part of why he wanted to be with him in every sense of the word. And the longer Eddie thought about Buck, the more he started to notice the little things; things the man wasn’t even doing intentionally. It was just in his nature to be kind.

* * *

To say the morning had been rough would be a gross understatement. Sometime during the night, a short circuit had blown the power in their neighborhood and thus no alarms rang and no phones were fully charged. The Diaz boys rushed through their morning routine, just barely making the school bell, Eddie quickly kissing Christopher goodbye before remembering that he hadn’t packed a lunch. He offered a very hurried apology to whichever teacher was greeting students and ran back to his truck.

Of course, the later time meant that LA traffic had picked up slightly more than he was used to. What was usually a 30-minute trip from Christopher’s school to the station, took an hour. Even shooting Bobby a text, containing as many capital letters and exclamation points as he deemed necessary to send to his boss, with the last of his battery power, Eddie was rushing into the locker rooms just after his shift was scheduled to start.

And if that didn’t kick his frustration into high gear. The expression _early is on time, on time is late_ had always kept Eddie diligent in his schedule. What was the rest of the phrase? _If you’re late, it’s unacceptable._ Though he tried to listen to that reasonable part of his brain that assured him that one infraction – with warning – would not get him fired, he was a little flustered about running up the stairs to the loft, two steps at a time.

But nothing happened. Well, not nothing. Bobby nodded his head in greeting asking, in his half boss/half friend way, if everything was all right. Eddie sighed as he approached his Captain standing at the sink, washing the last of the morning’s dishes. Seeing the remains of what was surely a fabulous meal, the firefighter’s stomach gave a small grumble of protest.

“There was a power outage in the neighborhood so the alarms didn’t go off. I was almost late dropping Christopher off at school _and_ I forgot his lunch. Traffic was just a nightmare. And now I missed breakfast.”

He wasn’t pouting, he really wasn’t. But he was allowed to feel disappointed, right? If anything, Eddie just felt a familiar wave of shame and anger swim under his skin. The kind that reminded him to add this morning to his list of failures, and then get over it.

At least he was at work now. He was with his friends and that, combined with a few calls where he got to be helpful, would help ease his mood. Bobby didn’t respond beyond a general notion of ‘glad everything’s okay’ and ‘don’t make a habit of it’, but it was all accompanied by a knowing smirk that Eddie didn’t really have the mental energy to decipher. He just needed to sit down now; to stop feeling like the world was dragging him along. With the okay from Bobby – because of course he would be fine with Eddie being late one time – he made his way to the couches, wanting nothing more than to stretch out for as long as the bell would let him.

There was one spot left in the common area, as the others on shift had gathered around to watch the morning news. Apparently, someone on the late-night shift had been caught on camera rescuing a woman from a burning building. That obviously meant the rest of the crew needed to record it and spend a bit of time simultaneously teasing and congratulating him. At least Buck wasn’t the only famous 118.

Eddie was up for a bit of ribbing, after all: with trust and comradery came endless familial torment. It was part of the rules. So, he parked himself in the empty spot, between a warm body and the end of the couch, and tucked in for a few moments of reprieve from the morning’s chaos.

The moment he sat, the world seemed to stop pulling and the halting energy made his head swim. This is what happened when he let himself stop for a moment. It felt a little like physically hitting a wall but really, it just made him realize how tired he was – despite the extra sleep time. _Add it to the list and move on,_ he reminded himself. He clenched his fist a few times to bleed off the residual energy and tried to turn his attention to the crowded common area, hoping to be pulled into a conversation.

No one seemed to have taken notice of his late arrival, occupied in their own groups or staring at the news as it switched over to another local story. His searching eyes were brought back to reality when a light hand pressed his forearm, trying to grab his attention. He turned to find the warm body beside him was, in fact, accompanied by a pair of wide blue eyes and a birthmark that Eddie would never confess to finding adorable.

And just like that, the wave of shame and anger receded, and a bit of frustration melted off his face. When did looking at Buck have the ability to make him feel better so quickly? Before he could let his thoughts drift to how easy it was to smile just thinking about him, Eddie acknowledged the hot ceramic being pressed gently into his hand.

The sudden warmth startled him and he stared down in confusion at the steaming cup of coffee.

_Oh._

The warmth from the cup spread to his cheeks. Eddie lifted his head to find Buck reaching for the coffee table to retrieve a plate with an egg-white omelet and a few pieces of fruit. Even as Buck placed it in his lap, Eddie stared at the dish, feeling that swimming daze start to creep back in. His body comprehended more than his mind, apparently, because he wasn’t sure what he was looking at.

“What’s this?”

Buck shrugged against his shoulder, his posture the complete opposite of Eddie’s. So open and casual. But understanding. _He understood_.

“I knew you were running late so I made sure you got breakfast.”

_Oh._

There was that warmth again, spreading through his shoulders and down his back until a small smile escaped. Of course Buck would think to save him breakfast – that was a decent thing to do for your partner. Nothing spectacular; no grand gestures. Just something thoughtful that he shrugged off like it was simple.

It made the warmth dive deeper under his skin and burrow in for safe keeping. Buck’s eyes intently watching, reminded him that he hadn’t said anything in response; had just been staring at the plate of food while he contemplated why the simple act made him so light-headed.

It was different though. The warmth spreading over his body made the swimming feel like shallow waters. He wasn’t drowning or hitting a wall, just wading. And it was nice. Just…unexpected and new. Which, in itself, was a little dizzying.

He still didn’t have an answer for that. Looking at Buck had made him feel lighter, and staring at the gift in his lap had made him hazy but in a nice way. Whatever that meant. Pressing the cup to his lips, he kept his eyes trained on the dish as he muttered a quiet “Thanks.”

He would have to figure it out later. For now, he could sit and eat and wade around in whatever this feeling was. Lost in thought, Eddie almost missed the lopsided grin Buck offered before returning his attention to the TV screen.

Eddie got about three bites into his omelet before the alarm sounded; but they were the best two bites he’d ever tasted.


	2. Chapter 2

Eddie was not a bad cook. He was not a great cook by any stretch of the imagination, but he was capable of preparing and serving a healthy meal for his two favourite boys. Of course, if his favourite grown up – who also happened to have been taking cooking lessons from an excellent chef for several years – wanted to help him serve and prepare a healthy meal; who was he to say no?

These were quiet moments that the former soldier savored more than anything. Simple, happy moments where it felt like the world couldn’t touch him. Christopher sat at the dinner table doing his homework while Buck and Eddie worked in sync, slicing and measuring and stirring. Tonight was a rare night when they were home at a decent hour, they had no pressing engagements, and they were in no rush to do much of anything.

Eddie was allowed to relax.

Which, of course, meant he was pacing back and forth between checking the pots, washing used utensils, checking on Christopher’s progress, and finding stories to tell Buck to keep his mind occupied.

He was trying a new recipe tonight – one Buck had suggested to spice up their usual mac n’ cheese, slow cooker meals, and things generally slathered in sauce. They’d diced the eggplant, fried the onions, stirred in the chicken and tomato sauce. Now Eddie stood over a pan of some cheese concoction Buck assured him would taste amazing, stirring in between wildly telling his story.

“No, I’m serious. Christopher’s first grade photos will make you melt.”

Buck sipped from his glass of water to hide the smirk, but he couldn’t hide how hard he rolled his eyes at the thought. “Because the other grades didn’t touch my cold, dead heart.”

Eddie pulled out his secret weapon with a serious expression. “He’d just lost one of his front teeth.”

“What are you waiting for?” Buck practically leapt from his casual position at the counter in his excitement and Eddie felt a familiar warmth in his chest. Seeing the man so enthusiastic about his son was nothing new, but it did make him laugh at his bright smile and boundless energy. Buck could always lighten his mood, just by being there. He could also pull him down into darkness in an instant because at some point, Eddie had found himself tuned in to the man’s frequency. Buck could do whatever he wanted, and Eddie would feel it if he let himself, and yet, Buck chose to smile and laugh and bring joy into his life as often as possible. Even standing in the kitchen talking about old memories. No sense in keeping him waiting, then.

Eddie dropped the spoon on the side of the pan as he hopped over to the cabinet by the window. “I know they’re in one of the albums here.” He pulled out four large plastic books and dropped them onto the counter to begin his search.

From his position further down, Buck just chuckled. “You know, you can put those all on your phone now. The digital age is a beautiful thing.”

“I’ll get around to it eventually.” Eddie rolled his eyes, knowing the albums were a bit old fashioned. He’d always preferred tangible things. Things he could touch; things he could carry with him. It shouldn’t have been that surprising that he was technologically a little behind.

“Like you got around to Instagram?” He didn’t need to look at Buck to know the man was smirking that mischievous little smirk that sent Eddie’s thoughts to wicked places.

“I made an account, didn’t I?”

“You haven’t posted a single photo.”

“Because the important photos are in this album.” Victory! He stopped flipping pages when he came across the photo of his desire.

Buck snorted in laughter. “I see how you brought that around again. Well done.”

Eddie ran his hands over the protective sheet, smoothing the image of the boy he carried with him always. Christopher was sitting on the designated stool behind the standard blue-grey background with his school ID hung around his neck. His hair was shorter then but no loss curly, and so soft. And he had that mile-wide smile, with the added bonus of a missing incisor, that made him want to give that kid the world. Anything he wanted, so long as Christopher would always smile. He’d made funny faces and sent encouraging smiles to keep him still and happy while the photographer took his sweet time. But the kid never seemed to mind; content to sit and wait in his best ‘first day’ clothes – that he’d picked out himself. The green and brown stripped t-shirt in the photo was one he’d outgrown but it was likely still somewhere in the back of the closet. A lot of unnecessary baggage came with them in the move. Eddie shook his head.

He stared at the photo a moment, mind drifting back to the day it was taken. He had been so nervous. Not only was it Christopher’s first day of school, but it was his first year without Shannon. What was already a stressful and off-kilter moment for any first-time parent was made worse by the fact that the mother of his child wasn’t there to share it with him. _By choice._ He tried to bite back the twinge of bitterness that still stung his lips at the thought of her. A lot had changed between them and some things they’d learned to forgive of each other. But not everything. Taking that step without her had cemented in his mind that he really was alone in raising Christopher. At the time. Now, Eddie smiled; now he had Carla, and Buck, and his grandmother and aunt, and the 118. Even if he was the only parent Christopher had left – even if that boy was his responsibility only – he had never felt so supported in raising his son.

Buck had become one of the pillars of support from very early on in their relationship – maybe a few months after they met. The day Buck introduced him to Carla, he’d planted a stake in his heart that read ‘I’m here for you’. And boy, did he live up to that promise.

He took care of both of them with increasing frequency after that. Let Eddie vent to him or just talk about what was going on in his life. Buck seemed to know how to find what Christopher needed, even if he couldn’t acquire it himself. He _wanted_ to help. Even convincing Eddie to abandon his love of boxed dinners in favour of something healthier but a little more complex.

Eddie snapped out of his contemplation; eyes wide in panic.

“Oh sh- I was supposed to keep stirring the sauce.”

Even as he rushed across the small kitchen to the stove, he saw Buck standing there, spoon in hand; leaning against the counter, ankles crossed, like he’d been there all along.

 _He had_.

Buck waved away his panic with his free hand, still saving their dinner from disaster. “I got it.”

For the second time in as many moments, Eddie stood lost in thought. Watching Buck casually circle the spoon around the pan with an amused expression, he felt that warmth rising into his throat. Buck had seen what Eddie had done and just corrected it without a word. Had he always done that: helped without needing to be noticed because he simply wanted to help.

_That’s Buck._

Eddie found his partner’s eyes. Now marked with a bit of confusion at the silence that stretched between them, Eddie smiled softly in reassurance. “Thanks.” He could save his contemplations for the silence of his bedroom. For now, there was a man in front of him, and a child in the other room, who deserved his full attention.

Buck shook his head with a chuckle, having missed the entire thought journey – or choosing not to comment on it. His hand still absently stirred while he turned his attention to the photo in Eddie’s hand. “Now show me these supposedly melt-worthy photos.” Which only made Eddie smile brighter.


	3. Chapter 3

Eddie cursed for the third time in as many weeks, wincing away from the showerhead as he was pelted with ice once again. He stood just under the spray feeling his shoulders tense as he waited to acclimate to his new reality.

_He really needed to remember to fix the water heater._

This was the seventh shower this month that had suddenly given up the desire to produce hot water when he was in no position to do anything about it. He had had many a cold shower in his life, but those had been planned events. Not a 6am wake up call on a random Wednesday morning, reminding him that he kept forgetting to call the damn repair man.

He took his punishment in stride, letting his body adjust to the frozen waterfall overhead and finishing his morning routine with a sour expression. He made yet another mental note to contact someone but by the time he walked into the station a few hours later, he’d completely forgotten. And now it was too late. He’d have to remember at the end of his shift.

Again.

He trudged up the stairs a little slower, feeling the knots in his shoulders jostle his balance with each step. He tried not to sigh. All he had wanted was a warm, relaxing shower and instead, he just felt like a giant ball of tension.

But Eddie could power through, he knew how. He could hold out until the end of his shift, call the repair guy and maybe convince Buck to help him relax. That would be nice.

This morning, however, he didn’t seem to be hiding his discomfort as well as he usually did, because Buck immediately perked up from his spot at the table at the sight of him coming up the stairs. Or maybe they both just become so attuned to each other that they could sense one anther’s presence. Eddie shook his head and focused on rolling out the knot behind his shoulder blades.

“Hey.” Buck watched him make his way to the coffee maker to grab his traditional black coffee and banana. Eddie responded in kind, nodding his head with a work-appropriate smile. Things were going really well with Buck. That wasn’t a surprise, it just made him smile to think about. Lots of things about Buck made him smile lately.

So yes, when he sat down that the table with his coffee and fruit, he leaned in to his boyfriend just enough to feel the warmth radiating from his side. At least it was one warm thing that Eddie got when he wanted it.

Buck never questioned when Eddie did this – used him as a personal heater or leaning post. And it had been happening more and more, Eddie realized. It just felt natural; he relied on Buck for everything, he could afford to rely on his comforting touch as well.

Plus, he was warm.

As he sipped his coffee, he felt Buck’s eyes tracing figure-eights over his face, assessing him. Eddie kept his face neutral, schooled to a casual and calm exterior as he tried to always do. He just had to power through the day.

 _But this was Buck_.

Eddie paused at the voice in his head. Right, this was Buck. He was allowed to be different around him. He was allowed to give in just a little. But what did that actually mean? What he _wanted_ to do was flop dramatically over Buck’s lap like Christopher did when he was avoiding bedtime. Come to think of it, he’d seen Buck do the same thing a couple of times when he’d had a bad day. Which one of them had been the first to pull that move?

He was not a dramatic flopper under the best of circumstances. But that feeling of just releasing everything all at once; of letting go. He could find a little of that, couldn’t he? His shoulders were still so tight, so wound with frustration and exhaustion. With a gentle breath, Eddie sent every ounce of calm he had, into the space between his shoulder blades. Haltingly, the muscles under his shirt released into his chest, loose and sore. It wasn’t much after that to lean into Buck a little more, give over just a little bit into the fantasy of being like his favourite boys.

Buck had watched it all with a careful eye, his eyebrows twitching with every passing emotion. Eddie loved how expressive his face was without having to say anything. He knew, with that look, Buck was gently concerned but still asked: “You okay?”

Eddie didn’t think twice about giving a tired smile and letting Buck know what had caused his frustration. It didn’t occur to him to hide such a small thing from him. Not from Buck.

“The hot water fritzed out again in the middle of my shower. I keep forgetting to call someone and by the time I remember”

“You’re a popsicle.”

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t have your propensity for cold weather, Pennsylvania. I need heat.”

Buck’s chuckle rumbled in Eddie’s chest and rolled down to his toes with a buzzing, fuzzy feeling. “How cold do you think it gets in Pennsylvania?”

“Colder than Texas.” He mumbled into his cup, completely unwilling to admit that he didn’t know the answer.

“I think the surface of the sun is colder than Texas.”

“Yeah but it’s a dry heat so you don’t feel it, you just exist in hotness.”

“Yeah you do.”

He would admit to snorting at Buck’s lame joke under pain of death. But it did succeed in releasing a bit of the tension in his face. In lieu of giving his partner the satisfaction of a response, he tilted his chin so he could whisper in Buck’s ear.

“I thought you could come over tonight and warm me up.”

The sight of the grown man flush with anticipation and fire in his pretty blue eyes had Eddie relaxing completely. The sheer honesty in Buck’s expression left Eddie staggering. So much hope and desire and just…happiness, was something Eddie wasn’t used to seeing in his life. Eyes bright and open, looking at _him_. He wanted to give it right back.

“Keep it in your pants, boys, someone of us are trying to eat.”

They both rolled their eyes when Hen sat down on the other side of the table, already ignoring the two of them following her lecture. Though they created space between them – reluctantly, at least on Eddie’s part – the warmth never left their bubble. Buck passed him a glance with a hundred emotions before drawing his attention towards the woman who had recently joined them. He immediately launched into questions about the most recent addition to the Wilson household and when he would be allowed to babysit little Nia, leaving Eddie to watch his partner’s profile for a moment. He knew it wasn’t just Christopher that Buck loved, it was children in general. They all liked to joke that it was because Buck had the mental maturity of an eight-year-old but Eddie never believed it – not really. Okay, sometimes he was astounded at how innocent and playful a 28-year-old, 6-foot 2 man could be, but that had become one of the things Eddie enjoyed most about being with Buck.

There was never a dull moment with them. Even the quiet moments were singed with excitement and anticipation; an energy that Eddie could never tame if he wanted to. Just watching him talk to their friend, Eddie could feel the pulse that radiated from him. And when he looked at him like that – those eyes that had a million conversations and a hundred emotions pass through all at once – Eddie couldn’t breathe. It was a passing glance, it always was, but it never failed to drop the floor out from under him like a cartoon villain.

Only a few seconds had flown by in the real world when Eddie forced his mind back to the conversation being had. Buck was still trying to convince Hen to let him babysit Nia, and Hen was fighting a losing battle, convincing herself that Buck wouldn’t be a great babysitter.

“I’ll tell you what.” She looked between the boys as she spoke. “We’ll trade date nights: you two watch Nia for a night, Karen and I will watch Christopher for a night. How does that sound?”

Eddie immediately swallowed the rising voice that said _don’t leave Christopher alone, you have to protect him_ , because he trusted Hen. His own fears couldn’t change that.

“Yeah.” He smiled wide, hoping his voice sounded more normal than it did in his head. “That’d be great.”

Buck, taking his cue from Eddie – as always – nodded his approval. “Definitely. Just let us know when.”

And that was how Eddie ended up making a reservation at a Tuscan rooftop restaurant for that weekend, so he and Buck could go on a date that didn’t involve keeping the TV volume low so they wouldn’t wake his son in the other room.

Hen, Buck, and Eddie finished their shift at the same time, reviewing the exchange of ~~hostages~~ children to take place a few hours later. The couple drove home where they knew Carla was taking the best care of Christopher, opening the door to find a dinning room table filled with paper, crayons, and other craft items. Somewhere in that mess, a nine-year-old boy shouted his happiness at seeing his two favourite men walk through the door.

Eddie immediately made a beeline for his son while Buck pressed a kiss to Carla’s cheek as she emerged from the kitchen with a glass of water. The foursome sat and chatted about their days while collectively cleaning up the chaos of the day – not that it was much of a mess, but they did need to wipe a few glue prints from the table. As they finished their task, Buck glanced at his phone and realized it was nearing time for Hen’s arrival.

It was easy to pack a bag for Christopher and send Carla home with a few hugs. Getting Christopher to leave Buck alone so he could get ready for date night was another thing. He stuck to the man’s side as they made their way into the kitchen to put their dishes away, retuning moments later to sit on the couch and continue their very important discussion about whether penguins could fly with the right momentum. Eddie rolled his eyes loving, pressing a kiss to two curly heads.

“I’ll shower first.”

Hopefully that would give the two of them time to settle their debate and Eddie could tap in and finish getting Christopher ready for his evening with the Wilsons.

As Eddie twisted the taps to warm, he felt a familiar wave of cold envelop the bathroom, as water began to flow from the showerhead.

“Not again.” He fought the tension in his shoulders at just the memory of what he was about to endure. A moment later, the ice was gone, replaced with a thin layer of steam shortly after that.

_What?_

He reached out a cautious hand to test the water, mentally doing a doubletake at the warm stream of droplets falling across his fingers. The water was going to be cold but then it…filtered to warm? Like the water heater was finally fixed. Except, once again, Eddie had forgotten to call anyone to fix his problem.

As he quickly washed the day away – he was not about to pass up the opportunity for a hot shower – he continued his contemplation. It was possible that the issue had corrected on its own, or maybe the machine was just having a good day where it decided to grant mercy to Eddie’s aching body.

 _He really needed to remember to call someone_.

The rest of his routine was spent in quiet contemplation. He toweled off, dried his hair – styling it with a little more poof than he normally liked, but Buck had repeated told him how much he liked running his fingers through his hair – he found the navy slacks and light blue dress shirt he’d chosen that morning, dressing with nimble fingers and a wandering mind.

It wasn’t until he found himself standing in front of his boys – one of whom whistled in appreciation – that he snapped out of his revere.

“I have hot water.” He ventured carefully.

Buck and Christopher exchanged a confused look, having not moved a muscle since Eddie left.

“Yeah?”

“I never called the repair guy.”

The blush that colored Buck’s cheeks was subtle but the drop of his head as he tucked his chin was not. “You said you kept forgetting to call, and I noticed it was running cold yesterday morning, so I called a buddy of mine to take a look at it while you were at work. He quoted me a very reasonable price and I was with him the whole time.”

Eddie suddenly understood the hundred emotions that passed through Buck’s look – or at least recognized that he was giving his partner a similar one. A flash of anger at anyone doing anything for him, burned his skin, replaced just as quickly with cold shame at having left the simple task for so long. His eyes lit with joy at the thoughtful gesture, clouded just as quickly with betrayal at the thought of a stranger in his house without him knowing – even if it was someone Buck trusted. But underneath that was a softness that curbed any negative emotions rolling through his body.

_Buck had done what needed to be done. For Eddie._

Every one of ninety-nine emotions were replaced with a familiar tingling under his fingernails as warmth spread through his chest.

“Buck, you didn’t have to do that.” No one would fault him for the rough tone of his voice, especially when the man before him – the man who never hesitated to _do_ for him – shrugged off the admonition.

“I know. I wanted to.”

And if that didn’t send Eddie off again, a word catching in his throat, heavy and broad. Somewhere in his mind was the same little voice he’d been hearing all week, reminding him that Buck did things like this all the time. Long before they were together, he was introducing him to Carla and acquiring skateboards and driving him around when his family needed him right away. Buck just _did_ things for people.

Eddie was suddenly very glad that he was allowed to kiss his best friend in an expression of gratitude. He wasn’t sure he could summon the appropriate words at the moment. Buck accepted his lips easily, and Christopher’s protests were only half-hearted, and when he pulled away, the warmth in his chest had enveloped his ribs.

The bubble of contented silence seemed to dissipate slowly as Eddie tilted his head towards the bedroom, throwing a gentle smirk at Buck. “Go get ready.” He instructed. The man was off with a little skip in his step that told Eddie date night was an excellent tradition that they would definitely be continuing.


	4. Chapter 4

Domestic disputes were always tough. Domestic disputes where reportedly one of them was standing on the balcony of their sixteenth story apartment were impossibly tense. The team rode to the location in relative silence, only exchanging necessary information and preparing to leap into action the moment their feet hit the pavement.

Bobby was out and meeting with an officer at the scene before the others had gathered their gear. He was back a moment later with barely any new information. They were on their own.

“Remember, we don’t know what to expect when we get up there. The neighbor who called it in said they’d had violent fights in the past. Apparently, it’s mutual, lots of shouting and fighting from both parties. No history of weapons or registered firearms. There’s an officer up there now trying to negotiate but our priority is to get our man off the ledge. This isn’t the first time things have escalated so we gotta get in there fast.”

The sound of screeching tires and crunching metal pulled everyone’s eyes to the end of the street. Hen looked over, trying to find the source of the sound. “What was that?”

They were met with a small two-vehicle accident only a few feet from their location. Seeing as they were already here, one of them would have to go check on the passengers. Bobby scoffed at the improbability of tending to two incidents at once. “Really?”

If someone were to get into an accident, at least they did it near an ambulance. Buck was already jogging up the street without anyone having to say a word. “I’ll take care of it.”

With that incident out of their minds, the rest of the team turned their attention to twenty-storey building in front of them. Somewhere up there was a dangerous situation that needed their attention.

“Okay, has anyone got eyes on our victim?”

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to staring up at the sun but Eddie called out a moment later, pointing to the west corner of the building. “I see him, Cap.” A young man, expression masked by distance, was standing backwards on the railing of a balcony, both hands gripping the roof for support. “He’s too high up, the cushion won’t catch him if he falls.” Eddie looked to Bobby for guidance only to find the man lost in contemplation. He was forming a plan.

After a moment, he keyed his radio, turning to face up the street. “Buck, we need your expertise over here. How do you feel about doing ‘The Maneuver’?”

Buck’s response was immediate, his voice crackling over through their speakers. “Kinda busy here, Cap.” Sure enough, Buck was in the middle of prying open one of the driver doors while trying to calm the woman inside. Eddie could handle taking over that task, he thought. If Bobby needed Buck for something, they could switch out and get everything done.

“Eddie can do it.” He froze when Buck’s voice came over the radio.

Around him, a silent conversation passed between Bobby, Chimney, and Hen. There was some disbelief, some concern, but ultimately, they seemed to come to a satisfactory conclusion. Chimney and Hen ran off towards the truck while Bobby slapped a jovial hand on Eddie’s shoulder; which only made Eddie more concerned. “What’s ‘The Maneuver’?” He asked carefully.

Hen returned with a helmet and repel kit, shoving both items into his hands. “Something reckless and stupid, you’ll be great at it.” She informed him.

Now he was starting to get worried. Whatever he needed to do, he’d do it. But there was an ominous feeling in the pit of his stomach that said he wasn’t going to like what he needed to do. “Don’t worry, Eddie, I’ll talk you through it. I trust you.” He looked up to see Buck peaking over his shoulder to smile at him.

At this position, Eddie had a wonderful view of his partner in his element. Pure muscle working to save a life, and a comforting smile to boot. Buck really was made to be a firefighter. He didn’t know much about Buck’s life before coming to the 118 – and he tried not to let it bother him too much since there were still things that Eddie never shared with him. But what he did know is that Evan Buckley was made for this. He was strong and fast, calm under pressure, if a little excitable. Though he rarely admitted it, Eddie knew that Buck was smart. He came up with incredibly creative rescue plans and he could find solutions in the midst of chaos that helped save many lives. He had a better bedside manner than Eddie, that was for sure. When he wasn’t flirting – though Eddie hadn’t seen that in Buck for a very long time – he was gently reassuring, or distracting with conversation, or just generally finding ways to make their victims feel at ease in what was possibly the worst moment of their lives. And that smile.

All of that calm and hope that Buck saved for his most worried of victims was currently directed right at Eddie. _I trust you_ , he promised. Eddie knew that. They’d trusted each other on the job long before any amicable or romantic relationship really formed. But the ease at which Buck confessed it, did something to his heart that Eddie didn’t have time to unpack. All he could do was return a warm half-smile and don the provided helmet. Time to get to work.

Buck had talked Eddie through the so-called ‘Maneuver’ as he rode the elevator to the roof. That had been…an interesting experience. Eddie shook his head; his partner was a bit of an adrenaline junkie whether or not he wanted to admit it. Sure, he did it to save people when the saving required a bit of creativity. But as Eddie repelled from the roof, reading to kick someone who was supposedly in distress, he had to wonder where the line was.

Regardless of the unconventionality, it had done the trick. Eddie was able to remove their victim from the edge of the balcony, the waiting officer was able to convince the couple to come in for a counselling session, and no one was hurt beyond a bit of bruising to the backside.

At the end of it all, Buck was there to greet him on the ground, having tied up his own incident. As his partner helped him out of his harness – not that he actually needed the help, but who was he to stop Buck from feeling him up in a work-appropriate scenario – he smirked at the thought of Buck pulling that stunt so many times that they called it ‘The Maneuver’.

“You really just like hanging off the sides of buildings, don’t you? Maybe you should have been a window washer.” He observed, which only earned him a teasing glare.

“Tell me you didn’t have fun.”

 _No_ , he wanted to shout. _Unlike some people, I take this job seriously and don’t do things for the thrill of it_. But he wouldn’t have meant it. Buck took his job more seriously than anyone, he knew that. But it was still reckless. And it went completely against his nature of helping someone by hurting them. “I kicked a man in the back, Buck.”

This time, the man just rolled his eyes. “’Cause you’ve never done that before.”

“Really? We’re back on that.” Those tense few weeks earlier that year where things had been dire between them, was not a time Eddie wanted to revisit so casually.

And Buck knew that, of course he did. The mischievous glint in his eyes, the teasing smile, told Eddie just what Buck was thinking. “Not even a little fun?”

It didn’t take much for Eddie to cave after that. “Okay, it was a little fun.” Buck was gearing up for some sort of ‘I told you so’ dance, but before he could, Chimney approached with the empty bag to return the repel gear.

“I can’t believe Eddie got to do ‘The Maneuver’ before I did.” He scolded, as the trio turned to make their way back to the truck. “Where’s the loyalty, Buck? The seniority?”

The youngest of the team grew the cheekiest smile Eddie had ever seen on a man, throwing his arms over his boyfriend and future brother-in-law. “Sorry man, you chose the wrong Buckley.”

While Eddie guffawed a little louder than he probably should of, Chimney tried and failed to release himself from Buck’s hold on his shoulder. “Wow.” He quickly surrendered his fate and accepted the embrace until they reached the truck.

Later, as he was lying in bed, Eddie reflected on the call: on Buck’s immediate trust in his abilities, on watching his partner so in his element, on seeing Buck’s world of impossible stunts that saved lives in unconventional ways, on just how open and casual he was about declaring the two of them ‘together’. It wasn’t anything Eddie was used to. He’d rarely been with people who wanted to hide their relationship. But to feel so confident in who they were, to want to tell others so freely? The thought surrounded him and settled over his skin, warm and comforting. For the first time in a long time, Eddie smiled as he drifted off to sleep.

Buck was a pretty amazing partner all around.


	5. Chapter 5

Late night shifts were tough on Eddie. He liked being able to wake up with Christopher, to exist on his son’s schedule. But it didn’t always work out that way. There would be days at a time when he worked the night shift or picked up extra hours or had his ‘24 Hours’ scheduled on a weekend when he _could_ be spending his time with Christopher.

The kid was in good hands, especially tonight. He was spending time with Pepa and other family in town, where he would no doubt be spoiled rotten and returned to him, hopped up on sugar and excitement. It was nice when he had cousins and aunts and sisters visiting, Eddie missed his family in El Paso and abroad. Yes, he loved the life he’d made here, and Christopher was still surrounded by people who loved him, but it wasn’t lost on him that he’d left his immediately family to start over – somewhere Carla had been quick to point out was close to Shannon. And when Shannon was gone, his supposed excuse for coming was also gone. So why hadn’t he just gone back to El Paso? Eddie knew why – though he’d never name it out loud – but it didn’t stop him from missing the family he’d left behind.

And on top of that, it was Tia Pepa’s birthday today. He had been invited with the suggestion of bringing his new ‘mystery man’ along. Even though Abuela, Tia, and a few cousins had all met Buck, they hadn’t met him as his boyfriend. And the idea of introducing Buck to _so much_ of his family at once? He hadn’t been avoiding it, necessarily.

Well, maybe he had.

Relationships were complicated enough, and though his entire family had seemed supportive when he said the word ‘boyfriend’, Eddie was still a little apprehensive about bringing Buck in to that part of his life. The phrase ‘gringa ex’ came to mind. His family didn’t think he had the best track record with picking partners. What would they do with Buck?

No, as much as he wanted to be there tonight, he would have wanted to go without Buck, which would have only led to a few discussions he wasn’t ready for. It was better that they were both safe at work. He would call his aunt tomorrow and apologize again.

As Eddie rounded the corner into the loft, determined to get a second cup of coffee in before their next call, he heard a familiar voice coming from near the game machine. “I’m sorry we have to work tonight, that sounds like it’ll be nice.” There was a small pause; Buck was on the phone with someone. “Well you enjoy yourself.” His chuckle was warm and low. “I’ll try. Have a goodnight. Bye.”

Curiosity pulled Eddie to lean against the railing, observing his boyfriend’s backside for one self-indulgent moment.

“Who was that?”

The other man shrugged, tucking his phone back into the pants pocket of his uniform as he turned. “Just Pepa. Wishing her a happy birthday.”

Eddie’s ears started ringing. There was something wrong with that statement. Even as his body flooded with desire to reach out and touch, there was something amiss. _He’d never told Buck about tonight_. He’d intentionally avoided telling Buck about tonight because he knew he’d want Eddie to go. So that meant… “You remembered my aunt’s birthday?”

Buck shrugged again, leaning his elbows against the machine, shaking his head at the notion of him ever forgetting such a minor detail. “It’s not that hard. It’s on the same date every year.”

“Yeah but” Eddie didn’t know Buck’s aunt’s birthday. He didn’t even know if Buck _had_ an aunt. It was kind of starting to bother him how little he knew about the man he was sleeping with. But that wasn’t the problem right now. The problem was that Buck had called Eddie’s aunt – unprompted – just to wish her a happy birthday. Not only implying that he knew when her birthday was, but that he cared enough about Eddie’s family to reach out. It set his nerves on fire with the need to touch.

It’s really sweet of you to call her.” Was what he managed to choke out in lieu of bending him over the communal game machine and thanking him properly. Since when did a birthday call elicit such an immediate physical response?

Buck, of course, remained oblivious to Eddie’s internal struggle to maintain composure. “I need her to like me.”

Eddie couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the thought. There was no world where a Diaz met a Buckley and didn’t come to adore them. It didn’t stop Eddie’s heart from beating faster at his words. “She loved you long before we started dating.” Long before Eddie knew he wanted to be with Buck, his family accepted that the man was a part of the Eddie and Christopher’s life, and welcomed him. Then why was he so nervous about bringing Buck around?

“She realized we could share a wardrobe even before we did.” When Buck said things like that, Eddie found himself torn between disbelief and adoring.

“What?”

“When I first met her at the hospital, when Isabel broke her hip, she made that comment about how we dress alike.” Buck informed him, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Clearly, they had different memories of that interaction.

“Because we were in uniform.” Eddie gently reminded. “And being able to share a few shirts does not constitute sharing a wardrobe.” He looked his boyfriend up and down with a scrutinizing glare. “I can’t fit in to your weirdly long pant legs and stretched out arm holes.” Even as he said it, the words felt strange on his tongue. Somehow, that didn’t sound right.

Buck agreed, grimacing. “Gross.” But it was forgotten with a laugh. “But I’m not going to apologize for how I wear my clothes.” He made a show of flexing his biceps around his crossed arms, his shoulders stretching out the aforementioned – weirdly worded – arm holes. “I can’t help it if I’m more swole than you. Swoler?”

Alright, if Buck wanted to tease about looks, two could play at that game. Eddie ran a hand over his abdomen, swelling with pride at the work he’d put in to the muscle grouping there. “What was that thing they use to call me? 8-Pack?”

They exchanged teasing glances but were interrupted from anymore banter by a shout from the couches. Eddie had completely forgotten about the crowd gathered in the common area to watch some late night black and white marathon. And clearly, Chimney was annoyed by the distraction of their voices.

“We get it, you both subscribe to traditional western standards of attractiveness and spend way too much time at the gym. Some of us are trying to watch our show.”

The pair looked back at each other, smiles now soft and yearning. Eddie could still feel the buzzing under his skin at the thought of Buck. How casually he’d ingrained himself in every bit of Eddie’s life. How Eddie wasn’t upset about it at all. How sometimes, Eddie just wanted to kiss him or touch him to bleed off the frenetic energy that built between them. It wasn’t sexual, it really wasn’t – well, it sometimes was – it was just Buck.

And now Buck was walking away, gently kicking Eddie’s ankle as an invitation to follow him, and of course he did. They settled on a corner of one of the couches, pressed tightly together for the sheer amount of bodies occupying the furniture. But it only became an excuse for Eddie to wrap his arm around Buck and hold tight.

Maybe he’d talk to his Abuela about bringing Buck to the next family gathering.


	6. Chapter 6

Some days, their job as first responders was easy. Eddie remembers someone joking that Buck had once declared “see the fire, put out the fire”; and he wasn’t wrong. Some days, the problem was obvious and quickly resolved and everyone got to go home at the end of the night feeling like they’d accomplished something. Like they’d meant something.

Some days are harder. Some days they came across someone in distress and their pain couldn’t be taken away so easily. Some days they had to spend all their energy and hope on making sure someone got home at the end of the night.

Some days. Some days couldn’t be quantified by a single emotion. Some days they did everything right, relied on their training, expended their hope, and it wasn’t enough. Some days, it was over before they even arrived.

Eddie was not a stranger to death; in fact, they were old friends in a way he never thought possible. It followed him home from war and sat beside him while he said goodbye to his wife, while he failed to save victims on calls, while desperately swam to freedom after being buried under 40 feet of mud and debris. Eddie knew death and dying intimately well, and yet it never got easier.

Especially today.

Today, they were called to a daytime multiple vehicle accident where a driver had t-boned a car and spun across the road into oncoming traffic. Already, things would be messy. There was no way _someone_ wasn’t in need of medical attention and it would likely take some work to get everyone safely onto the back of an ambulance. But they had prepared for this – literally trained for dealing with these situations – there was nothing they couldn’t handle.

When they arrived, they all climbed out, carefully observing the scene but waiting for their captain’s command before getting to work. It was as bad as dispatch had made it sound. One of the cars had knocked out a hydrant, shining the road, reflecting off the California sun and into their eyes. Another car had hit a light pole and one bystander was trying to help them get the passenger door open. Yet another car was laying on its side in the middle of the intersection, the driver currently crawling their way out. Other cars were scattered around in various states of destruction.

All Eddie could look at was the crosswalk.

His eyes had floated past in his analysis of the scene but the moment he did, the world stopped.

Chimney was the first to notice that Eddie wasn’t paying attention. Even as he placed a hand on Eddie’s shoulder and followed his line of sight, the paramedic couldn’t grab his friend’s focus.

The man was dead before they arrived. Lying on the asphalt, bleeding from a head wound along with other broken extremities. A pedestrian caught in the middle of it all.

He never stood a chance.

Eddie couldn’t hear anything beyond the heart in his ears beating at a pace too slow to be healthy. Like his own body was moving in slow motion as his mind was thrust back in time. It wasn’t Shannon. Shannon was gone. This man had someone waiting for him at home, too. It wasn’t fair. They couldn’t help him. Why was he always too late?

His body seemed to catch up with the stationary earth and everything inside lurched forward, splattering the inside of his chest. He could feel everything all at once, slow as molasses but constant. He was sure his hands were shaking; his breathing certainly was. His chest felt too tight to inhale more than a few sips of air, squeezing his lungs tight.

He could see her, her yellow dress and brown hair. The desperate look as tears made the blood run quicker. _I’m leaving again_. Seeing her there had sent him staggering to the ground, feeling nothing but shock and anger at the universe. _She left. She was gone_. She’d died in his arms as he’d lost one of the most important people in his life. He’d watched the light leave her eyes. It wasn’t how it looked in movies. There was no actual light. But there was a moment, when every part of her expression fell away; every muscle in her body gave up the fight and he knew. Eddie knew it was over.

Had anyone been there for this man? Had anyone seen the moment? Or had he been all alone because Eddie couldn’t save another person?

It was Buck’s touch that pulled him out of his stupor – of course it was. A gloved hand pressed into his other shoulder and gently slid down his arm, igniting every muscle on its way to his fingertips. He squeezed back when their hands interlaced for just a moment, but it was enough to breathe life into his body once again.

The world sped up to a working pace and his insides fell back into position. He suddenly felt sore, tired, but hyperaware of his surroundings. The honking cars, the distressed bystanders, the shouted instructions, the steady pressure of water flowing near his feet. It was all too much and yet enough to distract him; pull him towards the task at hand. There were people who still needed saving, he convinced himself. He had to focus on them.

So, he set about helping those in need and helping as many people as possible make it home at the end of the night.

Everyone else lived. Not unscathed. Not easily. But everyone else lived.

Eddie didn’t look back until the white cloth was draped over the man and he was being taken away in another vehicle. Once the work was done, they could all pack up and head back to the station, there was nothing else they could do. But when the work was done, Eddie felt the world drop out again. No distractions, no goal, no _good_ to be done: his mind drifted back to the man on the pavement.

“Eddie, you okay?” His head shot up as a friendly voice rang in his ears. The headsets on the truck were designed to cut through impossibly loud noises, including his own thoughts apparently. Chimney meant well with his question but it only pulled him deeper into his thoughts.

“Yeah, I know that was a tough call.” Hen, too. Did everyone know? Was it so evident on his face that he was close to breaking? He’d have to be better about it. Normally he was. It had just…taken him by surprise.

“Yeah I’m fine.” He could keep his downward spiral in check until their shift was over, he always could. So why couldn’t he breathe? It was evident on his friends’ faces that they didn’t believe him. The sympathy mixed with apprehension – because how do you say ‘I know that call reminded you of your dead wife’? – made him feel small. And weak. _Keep it together_.

“Did you notice the street we were on?”

Buck was a warm presence at his side, tucked in closer than strictly necessary in their seats but he was not about to complain. His hand had also been placed beside his, palm resting on Eddie’s wrist since they sat down in the truck. There was a heat that seeped through their gloves and coats and down to the atoms of his hand, grounding him to the earth; trying to pull him back from wherever he was falling. And now Buck was talking to the others in his bright casual voice that became another reminder of the here and now. What was he talking about?

“San Juan Ave?” Hen was turning her attention away from Eddie and he felt a small amount of the weight lifting off his chest.

“Yeah. I knew it sounded familiar. It’s where the Venus Canal used to be.”

Chimney raised an eyebrow at Buck, not at Eddie. All of his attention was on Buck. “You mean the Venice Canal?”

“No, no. The Venus Canal. It was one of the seven canals built in Los Angeles in the early 1900s.” Buck squeezed Eddie’s wrist as he sat forward to begin his animated speech. “I read this article about it. This guy, Abbot Kinney, was a huge real estate developer. He had a hand in building the Pacific Palisades, and Ocean Park. And he had this idea to build ‘The Venice of America’ complete with gondoliers brought over from Italy and a full amusement park on the pier. It was way ahead of it’s time. So anyway…”

Eddie let Buck’s voice carry him back to the station, though he retained none of the information the man was imparting on his colleagues. Buck had so much random knowledge, and he could whip it out at a moment’s notice. Somehow it always made Eddie feel better. Like when he’d been worried about Christopher growing up with limitations, Buck had been right there with a random story about a baseball player with one hand. Or when that girl had been hit with a meteor, Buck had told her how special she was because only one person in the world had be struck before her. It seemed to calm her down as they continued to treat her.

_Buck was so good at comforting people._

As Buck continued his story about the building of the canals and the process of filling them a few decades later, Eddie watched his facial expressions. How his eyes lit up, and he gestured animatedly with his free hand. The other was firmly holding on to Eddie, thumb softly sweeping the inside of his wrist. It made his skin itch with something akin to hope. With Buck there, gently holding him to this world, Eddie could breathe. His mind was still fuzzy and his chest hurt from the ache of loss but he had the space to breathe again.

 _Because of Buck_.

How did he know what Eddie needed? Not all the time but, when it mattered, Buck was there for him.

Eddie was there for Buck, too. He wasn’t so lost that he didn’t recognize how much Buck smiled when he was around; how calmer he seemed. Before they started dating, Buck had spent plenty of Friday nights with him and Christopher, playing games and eating pizza when he could be out partying. Buck had been insistent that he wasn’t that guy anymore. He wanted something real. Hopefully, he’d found it now.

Eddie had.

Before he knew it, Eddie was climbing out of the truck and helping to restock equipment. As he worked, the fuzz and the ache slowly subsided and he felt brighter as he walked up the stairs to help prepare dinner. No one asked him how he was feeling. No one passed pitying looks when they thought he didn’t notice. He could breathe again.

As they set the table and watched Bobby finish preparing another amazing meal, Eddie found a moment to lightly bump Buck’s shoulder to catch the man’s attention. When he looked up at him, he saw the question in Buck’s soft blue eyes, but it didn’t scare him. He nodded just subtly enough for the two of them to read, and pressed his lips into a grateful smile.

_Buck is a good man._

Eddie figured that out long ago. But the thought made his smile a little wider. With another hitch in his step, Eddie continued to circle the table, calm in the knowledge that he could handle anything this shift threw at him next.


	7. Chapter 7

Kids are expensive. Houses are expensive – especially when you’re secretly trying to pay back your boyfriend for getting repairs done when you kept forgetting. Aide and taxes and bills are expensive. And Eddie is one man. So yeah, sometimes, he picked up an extra shift here and there. He was the first to volunteer when someone on another team called in sick and no one argued when he offered to cover so they can be with their families or make an important appointment. It’s made Eddie a pretty popular guy around the station.

He was careful not to be away too much. If he had the opportunity to wake up with Christopher, or put his son to bed, pick him up from school, or spend any extended period of time with him, of course he’d take it.

But he still needed money. And firefighters didn’t make a lot – and he wasn’t _allowed_ to go back to street fighting even though he could afford an entire truck after one night. So what, if he couldn’t breathe properly for a weak because of a few bruised ribs.

Instead, he offered to work past his scheduled shift in order to cover a fellow responder who’d called in sick. Only half, Bobby’s orders. Someone else would come in and cover the second half, but at least Eddie could get a little bit of overtime pay.

Unfortunately, that meant Eddie couldn’t pick up Christopher from school as he’d planned – as he’d been looking forward to all day. Carla was supposed to be off, but he wasn’t about to ask his family to pick up Christopher if he didn’t have to. He’d have to call Carla and _pray_ she could take care of his son for a few hours.

 _You rely on that woman too much_. He could hear his mother’s voice scolding him for moving and finding a new job and still never being there for Christopher. But he was. He was there whenever he could and that was a hell of a lot more often than when he was in Afghanistan or working three jobs just to make ends meet. Yes, he relied on the help of others but that’s what you did, right? You identified your blind spots and you surrounded your life with people who filled them.

So, calling Carla made the most sense in this situation. He’d use some of that overtime pay to cover her fees.

At least he could take a quick break between the end of his shift and the start of another’s to walk Buck out to his truck. He could lean against the door to the locker room and watch his boyfriend change back into his civilian self, complete with flannel shirt that may or may not belong to Eddie – not that anyone would know, their sense of style was eerily similar. There was something about looking at Buck wearing Eddie’s clothes that made his heart beat faster. Like Buck was _his_.

Of course Buck was his. In the months since their relationship began, Eddie had never doubted their commitment to making things work. It wasn’t that kind of _his_ , though. It was something that had him shaking off visions of a future where Buck had his own closet space, and they made breakfast together, and they had matching tan lines on their fingers when they were at work.

So maybe Buck wearing his clothes was a little dangerous right now.

It wouldn’t stop him from enjoying the view. Buck leaned over to pull on his shoes, giving Eddie a topside view of those slicked back blond locks.

“Are you sure about picking up the first half of Angie’s shift, I can cover for you or ask McNamara to take the whole thing.”

It wasn’t the first time today that Buck had offered to take the shift instead. He kept reminding him that he would get to see Christopher all that sooner if he left at their scheduled end time. The thought was tempting, but he’d made a commitment and, apparently, Eddie was big on commitments right now. “No, I could use the overtime pay. I just have to call Carla to pick up Christopher from school.”

“Or I could do it.”

Eddie paused in his prepared protests, assuming Buck was about to offer to take his shift again. Why hadn’t he thought of asking Buck to pick up Christopher? He trusted him, he had a key to the house, his son would be excited to see his friend which would cover a bit of the disappointment that Eddie wasn’t there. He could pay him in something other than money (like watching that new comedy he didn’t want to see, or maybe a leg massage? Was that a thing?) and come home to his two favourite boys when his half-shift was over. It would be perfect.

“Are you sure?” He wasn’t about to force Buck into spending his afternoon off doing something he would rather be doing himself.

Buck shrugged “Yeah. I’m on the approved list, right?” It was becoming some weird Pavlovian that any time Buck shrugged when it came to doing something for Eddie, Eddie’s heart would go crazy. This was no exception.

“Yeah.” He kept it together, no quaking heart or warm butterflies, just a nice smile that he hoped expressed his gratitude without giving too much away. “Thanks Buck, that’d really help me out.”

“Now I can’t say we won’t stop for ice cream or something, but I promise I’ll start him on his homework as soon as possible.” He was standing, making his way out the door, so Eddie let him pass with a soft chuckle. He knew very well that Buck would ply Christopher with a bit of sugar before they started on his homework but he wasn’t about to complain. Hopefully, he’d get home just before the crash and he’d be able to put him to bed without much fighting. It would be perfect.

“I trust you. I’ll see you at home.”

Buck stopped short of the doorway, eyes fixed on Eddie in some sort of stunned excitement. He was frozen in place, mouth left open and eyes blinking a little faster than normal. “What?” His voice sounded strained. Quiet.

What had just happened? Why was Buck acting like that? Eddie retraced their last bits of conversation and the same bolt that struck down Buck, locked him in place as well.

_Home._

He’d never called it that before. Not to Buck. He’d never called it Buck’s home. Sure, they’d spent a lot of time there, it was more convenient. Buck’s place was for private date nights, and babysitting Christopher, and occasionally hosting game night. Eddie’s place was for family dinners, and bedtime stories, and falling asleep on the couch curled around each other. It was _home_.

Saying it out loud had just felt natural. He’d been thinking about it for a while – even in passing – and now? It was out there in the universe and he wasn’t about to take it back.

“I’ll see you at home.” Eddie’s voice was firm and intentional, eyes staring into Buck’s so he knew how serious he was. That me meant it.

The delight in Buck’s eyes, the colour that spread over his face, the smile threatening to erupt; Eddie knew he understood. “Yeah.”

The feeling seemed to spread between them, Eddie’s chest filling with pride as Buck walked away. He’d done that – Eddie had done that: given Buck that small gift with just his words. Words he meant wholeheartedly even if they slipped out unintentionally. He made a silent resolution to do it more often. He wanted to pull as many looks like that from him as he could. The quiet joy.

Eddie could absolutely do that.


	8. Chapter 8

Eddie was absolutely not panicking.

He was hyperventilating with worry.

There was a difference.

He paced the hallway outside of Christopher’s room for the twenty-seventh time that hour, poking his head in to make sure that his son was still asleep. The sight of his son turning fitfully, face splotched red and groaning in discomfort, made Eddie tear up for the twenty-seventh time that hour.

His phone was still in his hand, ready to dial Dr. Samuels, or Carla, or whoever would calm him down faster. He’d already called Christopher’s doctor who confirmed it was the flu, picked up the medication from the pharmacy (along with stocking up on whatever over the counter drugs were safe for children), and cleaned up the bathroom after they didn’t quite make it to the toilet. Now Christopher was asleep, albeit uncomfortably. But sleep was good. Sleep was healing.

Somewhere between putting Christopher down for an early night and pacing the hallway, Eddie made the mistake of doing research. They were all websites his doctor had recommended and assured him had accurate information, which, honestly, only made him feel worse about the list of risk factors for kids with CP who had the flu.

He was doing everything he could, he knew that.

Part of him knew that.

The rest of him was hyperventilating with worry.

He should call Carla, or Abuela, or Dr. Samuels, they would know what to do. _No_. Eddie could do this. He’d handled colds, and fevers, and minor meltdowns before – _by himself_ – he could handle a few nights of pacing the hallway, making sure his son was okay. He could take care of his child.

The sound of a key turning in the lock of his front door, had him abandoning his post to survey for intruders. Instead, there was his boyfriend with his overnight bag slung over his shoulder, quietly closing the door behind him. Eddie’s expression softened at the sight of him; a part of him was relieved to see a friendly face. The rest of him was very confused.

“Buck, what? I told you not to come over tonight.”

All six feet two inches of man, rolled his eyes at his partner. “You told me that Christopher was vomiting and had a high fever. Of course, I’m here.”

Buck seemed to take the fact that Eddie hadn’t physically kicked him out as an invitation to stay, dropping his bag at the end of the hallway and peaking his head in to see Christopher. Eddie felt conflicted. Of course, he liked having Buck around – and he knew that if he’d asked Buck to come over and help take care of Christopher, he’d have been down here in moments. But there was a familiar pressure at the back of his neck, squeezing his spine so he’d stand straighter.

Christopher was his son, his responsibility. He could handle it on his own even if he had no idea what he was doing and would probably screw something up. Like he always did.

 _Identify your blind spots and surround yourself with people who fill them_.

“You have to work in the morning.” He gently reminded Buck when he returned to the sanctity of the hallway.

“So do you.”

Eddie shook his head. “I called Bobby.” There was no way he or Christopher were leaving the house until his son was feeling better.

Buck paused to consider something but was right back to looking at Eddie with those earnest blue eyes and calming smile. “Okay, but you still need your rest. So, here’s the deal: you go and get a couple hours of sleep and I’ll watch Christopher. Then we’ll switch out every few hours and see how he’s doing in the morning. That way we both get a little sleep, instead of one of us getting no sleep.”

Eddie felt breathless for a completely different reason. His partner was here, talking about taking shifts like it was the natural course. And if Buck was Christopher’s parent, he wouldn’t have thought twice about it. It was what Shannon had always asked of him, what he had needed from her, but they never got. _Someone to share the load._ But Buck wasn’t his parent, Buck was Christopher’s friend. He cared about the boy but he didn’t know what he needed. Only his father did.

Eddie could do it on his own.

Convincing Buck not to do something was a skill no one at the 118 seemed to possess in entirety. Sure, they could get him to slow down and sometimes he’d listen to Bobby’s direct orders. Not even Eddie could get Buck to listen to reason if he had set his mind to something. It was one of the things Eddie actually admired about Buck – his relentlessness – though he’d never say it out loud for fear of encouraging him.

Convincing Buck that Eddie didn’t need his help was a losing battle but he had to try anyways. Had to make him see that he could do this alone. “That’s really sweet, Buck, but I have to stay with him. I have to give him the medicine the doctor prescribed, and I have to check his temperature every half hour, and make sure he’s drinking clear fluids, and watch for seizures and-”

“Okay.” Buck grabbed his shoulders and Eddie stopped in his endless list of symptoms and signs and fears. Things he hadn’t voiced all day, because there had been no one to voice them to, threatened to tumble out of his mouth. He hadn’t realized how close he was to the edge of freaking out until Buck was there, pulling him back with a firm grip on his arms. The smallest bit of pressure came off his spine at the thought. Buck was looking at Eddie the way he looked at panicked victims, calm and warm, but sincere. Always sincere. Buck was determined – relentless – and sincere. And he was listening to Eddie. Letting him take the lead. Or at least, he wasn’t pressuring him into doing what Buck thought was best.

“But I’m staying. I’ll make coffee and keep you company, okay?”

_Yes._

_No._

_Eddie could handle this on his own. He could take care of his son on his own. He wouldn’t admit defeat._

_Fill the blind spot._

He knew he’d surrendered before the words left his mouth with a soft sigh. “Buck, you don’t have to do this.”

All he had to do was smile and Eddie was gone again, heart calming and skin warm. The worry, the panic, was overwhelming his mind, but it was slowly settling rather than buzzing wildly. Because Buck was smiling at him and holding him to the earth. When had he become so pliable? So quick to surrender to Buck? Why did it ease his heart at the thought of having someone there?

“I’ve got your back, remember?”

_Someone to share the load._

“I do.”


	9. Chapter 9

Things had been weird lately. At least since yesterday. Every once in a while, Eddie would look over at Buck as they wrapped hoses or sat down to dinner, and catch him staring with a look of unmistakable guilt.

It was worrying to say the least.

Buck cheating on him was the first thing he crossed off the list, that wasn’t a possibility, but something was definitely wrong. He was quieter, too. Not overtly so as to cause any of the others to feel concerned. But Eddie knew Buck.

Eddie Diaz could read people well enough, but he knew Evan Buckley. The lingering looks, the hunched shoulders, the quiet and thoughtful demeanor: Buck was feeling guilty about something.

He couldn’t push for answers, that wouldn’t end well. And besides, it wasn’t his business. If Buck needed to talk to him, he would. Right? And even if he didn’t, whatever was on Buck’s mind, Eddie didn’t always need to know it.

It still bothered him.

Giving Buck some space to figure himself out seemed like the best course of action. It had only been a day and a half, maybe it would sort itself out by the end of their shift. He could be patient.

Patience, in this case, meant joining Chimney and Graham on the couches to play some multiplayer asylum escape room-type game. It seemed entertaining enough. There were jump scares and puzzles that kept his mind occupied, and the way Chimney practically jumped into his lap at _every_ bad guy appearing out of nowhere provided endless amusement.

Things were relaxed and jovial. A small crowd had gathered to watch the trio navigate through the mysterious mansion, laughing at Chimney or passing instructions with a bit of teasing. Eddie was having fun. He liked these moments, as few and far between as they were. When he was surrounded by people who shared common interests and goals. And yes, there was still danger. But they would all go home at the end of the night, so enjoying these moments of reprieve became not about survival, but of companionship.

And things were good.

“Eddie, can I talk to you?”

It was Eddie’s turn to jump, turning too quickly to see Buck standing over at the end of couch. Before he could muster a response, it was his turn to move – as indicated by the vibration of his controller – and his attention was pulled to the TV screen.

“Should I be worried?” He chuckled, trying to understand why he couldn’t open that clearly unlocked door but he _could_ smash that box open with his fist.

“Please?” The strain in Buck’s voice pulled him to look at his partner. Really look at him. He was shifting his weight back and forth, eyes never holding his gaze for more than a few seconds, swallowing more frequently than was strictly necessary.

Buck was nervous. Guilty and nervous.

Someone paused the game and the laughter had dissipated from the crowd. Everyone else could see it, now. A million eyes were on them, judging and waiting to see what would happen next. Eddie clenched his fists around the controller at the thought of so many people watching what was quickly becoming a very serious moment between him and Buck.

Even as he nodded, Eddie was rising to his feet and leading Buck towards the bunks. At this time of day, no one would be using them so they’d have a little privacy for…whatever this was.

He turned to close the door and could feel the bounding energy behind him, like Buck was going to burst at the seams. It only served to send Eddie’s heart stuttering to a stop, mind racing with every worst-case scenario. Every part of him wanted to open the door and run away – or at least save this conversation for the privacy of their home. Whatever Buck had to say was clearly going to be bad, he’d been projecting his emotions over it all day. 

“What’s wrong?”

Buck stood silent and still for a minute. 60 seconds where the only noises came from outside the haven of the room; where Eddie had to clench his jaw from physically retreating while Buck gathered his courage. When he finally spoke, it only made Eddie’s stomach drop into the floor.

“I wanted to do something nice for you yesterday but I realized I crossed a line and for that, I am so sorry.”

“What did you do?” He asked carefully. Those worst-case scenarios cycling through his mind were working overtime.

Buck looked so small; his shoulders deflated and he sunk into his hips. His head fell to one side as he took a deep breath, gathering the rest of his courage. Eddie swallowed.

“I noticed your shoulder has been bothering you lately.” His words came faster as he spoke, the momentum building as he finally made his confession. “And you’ve been really busy; I knew you wouldn’t have time to book an appointment. So, I went on the VA website and booked you in to see Dr. Youssef. I’m sorry, Eddie, you can cancel it. It was invasive; I don’t know what I was thinking.”

 _Brush it off and move on_. His father’s voice echoed in his ears.

“No Buck, that-” Eddie stopped in his platitude and let Buck’s words sink in. A chill flashed through his body at the implications of it. He had booked a doctor’s appointment without Eddie’s permission? He’d seen what needed to be done and he did it. Like always. _Buck always does things without thinking. Just does them_. He’d said it was an invasion.

“Yeah it was. How did you even get my login information?”

The words came quickly mumbled as Buck stared off to the side. “There’s autofill on your laptop.”

“You used my laptop?” His personal laptop that had all of his banking information and passwords and videos of Christopher he’d saved from when he was in Afghanistan. _Buck would never steal his personal information_. But he had. Eddie couldn’t breathe.

“Yeah.” That quiet confession didn’t help the ice rolling under his skin or the itch at his fingertips begging him to get out. He had to do something: scream or run or punch a wall or _something_ to expel the anger and hurt building inside before he burst. _Why didn’t Buck ever think? He just wanted to do something to feel good about helping Eddie. He’d used his things without permission. He’d left him exposed. Why was Buck always like this?_

“Buck, that was a huge invasion of my privacy.”

“I know.”

“And you can’t just do something like that. What if I wasn’t covered for the appointment? Or they found out that someone else got ahold of my private information? They could restrict my access. They could audit me. They could take away Christopher’s coverage.” Later, he’d think about how his barely restrained shouts were colored with exaggerated truths and lies built out of a feeling of betrayal. But in that moment, Eddie just wanted to run away.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have done it.”

The itch stopped. His feet remained planted. The last thought to settle before his thoughts whited out briefly was _this was Buck_. Buck, who had seen that Eddie was in pain – which he had been; he’d pulled his shoulder on a call last week and it had been bothering him ever since – and had wanted to help. Like calling in a repair man to fix the water heater. Or introducing him to Carla. Or distracting the team when he was having a hard time dealing with a bad call.

Buck did what needed to be done. Like always.

But this didn’t feel sweet. This wasn’t the same warmth that left him breathless at the thought of having someone in his life who just wanted to take care of him. This felt cold, like he was being watched. The hairs stood on the back of his neck and he wanted to retreat rather than touch. It felt wrong.

For all that, there was a buzzing in the back of his head that reminded him that Buck hadn’t meant to hurt Eddie. His intentions were to heal and that tempered a little of the chill in his veins. Enough to draw a steady breath.

“I know why you did it. And I appreciate that you want to take care of me.” All true. Eddie could tell the truth. _This was Buck_. “But you can’t just do something like that without talking to me first.”

God, he felt like he was scolding Christopher. It was so much easier to yell and walk away sometimes, rather than explain why what he’d done was wrong. _Buck knew why, that’s why he was apologizing_. He understood that he’d made a mistake and Eddie had reacted according to his emotions and now…what was left? Break up with him? Give him the cold shoulder for weeks? Brush it off and move on, internalizing his hurt? _Too late for that one_. Forgive him?

Buck did what he thought needed to be done. As he’d been doing since the day they met. He’d overstepped this time but…Eddie adored how much Buck gave to the people he cared about. He didn’t want that to stop.

The same instinct that screamed at him to run away, was asking him to reach out and touch Buck. To hold his hand, to press a kiss, to run his hand over his shoulder. Make him understand with his touch that he was still upset but it wouldn’t last forever. But he couldn’t yet, his skin was still cold and the itch to flee was still echoing underneath.

He’d have to use his words.

Eddie lowered his head, searching for Buck’s eyes until they locked on to his. He needed to know they were both paying attention. Those pretty blue eyes were scared – or unsure, maybe – waiting to see what Eddie would say next. So was he. “You think I don’t notice the little things you do for us but I do. I like that you’re so…genuinely thoughtful. Just talk to me about the big stuff.” He pleaded. If anything came of this emotional rollercoaster, it’s that Buck would ask permission once in a while. And maybe remind Eddie to take off auto-complete and memorize some of his passwords. Baby steps.

“I will.” Buck’s promise lit his face with hope but didn’t quite reach his eyes. Still, there was hope.

When Eddie sighed, he felt a bit of the warmth return, a little of the softness seep into his express as his muscles relaxed. “When’s the appointment?”

“Thursday at 8am. I can take Christopher to school.” Buck recoiled just a little at the offer. “If that’s alright?” That was going to be a thing for a little while, wasn’t it: Buck wanting to do something for Eddie or Christopher and second guessing every offer. _At least he was asking._ Eddie didn’t feel great about the satisfaction that struck him, knowing that Buck would think twice before doing something. He just wanted to help.

“That’s alright.” He promised. And then, to assuage both of their guilt, he added: “You can bring me fancy coffee when I get in.”

Buck was quick to nod, some of the ‘puppy’ quality the others had talked about came in as he bounced lightly on his heels. “Absolutely.”

So that was it. Right? Eddie wasn’t sure what else was left to say. His body was slowly defrosting from the betrayal, and he hadn’t run away. Buck seemed to understand the problem and the look of fear meant he wasn’t likely to do it again. What did one do when an argument ended like that? Hug it out? Shake hands?

Before Eddie could extend his hand, Buck was rocking forward, trying to make his escape. “Buck?” The man turned, body tense with worry. That was something Eddie didn’t want: for the fear to completely follow them out the door. “Just don’t it again, okay?”

Buck’s smile was small but grateful. “I never make the same mistake twice.”

And then they were leaving together, Buck trailing a step behind, but not avoiding the pull of their presence. Eddie had noticed it before: the pull. At first, he thought it was the urge of a new relationship, the desire to be with each other as often as possible. But months later, he still found himself drawn to Buck when they were in the same room. Not so much that they were inseparable, but there was an awareness of him when they were together. Over time, it had become a comfort. He knew that there was someone he could rely on. Someone he was excited to see even after spending all day together. Someone he trusted. Someone he could forgive almost anything.

He hadn’t had that in a long time.

Not since…

Huh.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only thing that's been changed about this fic since it was posted in June 2020 is that I split it into chapters instead of one long story. Because Part 8 is coming out tomorrow, I thought this would be the time. If you have already read this fic: I thank you for your patronage. If you have not: welcome!

The bar was crowded, obnoxiously loud, and kind of sticky. Normally, Eddie hated places like this. Scratch that: he _always_ hated places like this. But this was where the team had decided to spend their Friday night and he’d already agreed to come along before he knew where they were going. So here he was, leaning against the bar, watching his friends tear up the dance floor while he tried not to get too jostled by patrons vying for more overpriced drinks.

“Ah, the smell of stale beer and desperation.” Eddie turned to laugh at Chimney who seemed to be having the same amount of fun. At least Albert was enjoying himself, rocking along to whatever music was played underneath the pounding bass. And Buck had been dancing with him a minute ago; where had he gotten off to? That was the problem with places like this, it was so easy to get lost in it all.

“Yeah, this isn’t one of our usual spots.”

Chimney rolled his eyes, leaning right into his ear so he could shout: “What happens when we let Albert choose the bar.”

Before he could respond, a cold glass was shoved into his free hand. When had a fresh beer materialized? He hadn’t ordered another. In fact, he’d intentionally sipped his one drink and paid his tab so he wouldn’t be tempted to drown the noise in expensive beer. And yet, here was another drink. He looked up to find Buck leaning beside him nodding expectantly at the glass. Of course. Eddie raised an eyebrow in question. “What’s this?”

“Your drink was empty, so I got you another.” His boyfriend shouted over the relentless music.

“You just got me another drink?”

Buck shrugged with his signature bright, half-smile. “I figured since you weren’t driving home, you deserved to get a little buzzed.”

“I’m not driving home? Since when?”

“Since I got you that second drink.”

“I love you.”

The moment the words left Eddie’s lips, it all made perfect sense. There was no bright neon sign or fireworks blasting everywhere at the thought but, yeah. It all made sense. The warmth he’d become accustomed to tugging at his chest, spread through his body and settled like a second skin; natural. The words had been bubbling up for _months_. Of course they would come up now, for the most random reason.

_Buck had bought him another drink._

One thing in a long list of things Buck said and did for Eddie every day. It was so mundane a task, no wonder it had tipped the scales. The importance of those words, even accidentally whispered in a crowded bar, was not lost on Eddie. Every person he’d said those words to had the last name of ‘Diaz’ at one point in their lives.

He was getting ahead of himself.

He meant it, though. He loved Buck. It wasn’t an emotion he’d anticipated feeling when he’d woken up that morning. It still made perfect sense.

“What?”

Eddie laughed when Buck called out to him, grateful he hadn’t actually heard his confession. This was not the time or place for such a reveal.

“I’ll tell you later.” He promised. And he would. As they walked in the door later that night, curled around each other after stumbling out of the Uber Buck had offered to pay for. He would grab his partner’s face, drunk on Buck more than the three drinks he’d consumed. He would kiss him, soft and sweet. And in the darkness of the entryway to their _home_ , Eddie would tell Buck that he loved him. And Buck would say it back.

“Okay.” Present-time Buck was pulling on his free hand with a mischievous joy. “You wanna come dance?”

 _No change in hell_. Eddie chuckled, shooing him away. “Go make a fool of yourself while I watch.”

“I knew you had some voyeuristic tendencies.” Buck teased but did as he was told, sparing his boyfriend a heated glance as he rejoined their friends in the middle of the crowd.

Eddie watched him move, watched the happiness Buck exuded, watched the roving lights pick up different aspects of his features. He wasn’t so sappy as to make a mental list of all the things he _loved_ about Buck. But they were all there, catalogued for future reference. The beautiful smile, the open heart, the selfless desire to help, the broad muscles built for holding, the well-intentioned missteps. He loved all of it. In the darkness of the crowded, loud, annoyingly sticky bar, Eddie allowed himself one dopey grin.

Eddie loved. Huh.

A body beside him bumped his shoulder and Eddie instinctively looked over, even though he’d been jostled and pushed basically all night. Chimney was there with a knowing expression and a sly smirk. Damn, was he that obvious? He rolled his eyes, waiting for the teasing to begin. Instead, his friend extended his own glass to clink with his. A peace offering.

“I’ll tell you one thing we have in common: The Buckleys have ruined us for anyone else.”

He’d drink to that.

**Author's Note:**

> *EDIT: Split this fic into chapters for ease of reading (no other edits have been made to the work).
> 
> Kudos/Comments are always appreciated.
> 
> Check out my tumblr [madamewriterofwrongs](https://www.madamewriterofwrongs.tumblr.com/)


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